Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
