the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
