Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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