I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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