its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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