I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
