New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
