I like to think it a success when the cops are called
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
