on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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