Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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