Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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