No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
