So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
