he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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