do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
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