Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
