So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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