You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
