He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
