Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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