i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
