Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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