Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
