i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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