Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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