they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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