it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
