im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I bet he comes in French.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
