I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
