I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I wish you could order shots online.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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