my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
