There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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