So drunk its hurt
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
