Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
