I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
