This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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