I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
