Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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