its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
