Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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