birth control should be required to get into college
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
