uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
