Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
