4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
