im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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