Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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