So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Edward fifth and chaser hands
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
