Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
