i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We have so much sex to catch up on
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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