Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
