Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
