Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
