You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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