sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I want to make a zoo with you.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
