it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
