i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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