I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
