i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
