the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
