Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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