At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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