I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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