saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
