saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
