White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
