Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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