Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
