I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
