This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
