i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
