be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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