I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
