I didn't shave. On purpose
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
