I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
