Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found the puke drawer
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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