My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
