i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
