Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
