Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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