He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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